Looking Back, Looking Forward

When school started, my biking ended. Well, not completely ended. But any mom can attest, even the best planned out rides come to a screeching halt when you hear, "Mom, I forgot I have a DECA meeting tonight at 7 p.m." .... "Oh and it's back at the school up on 70th and O Street." (we live 27th and Pine Lake).

I am looking forward, 32 days from now. My son will be driving. I remember my first son getting behind the wheel. Although he was much more 'adventurous' (and that's being kind), I was not as worried. We were in a smaller town, and he had been out on the county roads practicing for a long time. I even had him driving a stick.

I wasn't near as worried as I am now, living in Lincoln...this traffic, bigger city. I guess being a farm kid, I never once heard, "The road is awful icy, I'm taking you to school today." You just got in and drove, and you better not wreck the thing. That was understood. We started driving when we were 14. Lived 6 miles from town, 9 to the high school. 14 years young!!! I drove a little red 1976 Subaru DL (see photo -- that's not mine but that's what it looked like!) ... looked like a jelly bean. Drove the wheels off it. Hated that car. After a few years, it started to backfire. POW! I was always late...I'd try to cut the engine, ease it into the shed... POW! Dad would know, "She's home." He never fixed it. Gee I wonder why?

Looking forward, I'm worried about him driving in the traffic, the roads, the weather, but on the other hand, I get my biking back, and maybe a round of golf every now and then. I can ride to work any day I want...what will I do with myself?

Maybe this will ease me into "empty nest." That sounds so damned old!!! I will be a total lost pup when my son leaves for school. Even though it will probably be at UNL, my entire life has been centered around my boys. I love their music, I love their activities, we ride the Nacho ride together, ski, sports events, you name it, I do it with my kids. Always have since I was 22 when the first one was born. And in three years, the last one will move on. People say it is wonderful... "freedom!" I hear. But as for me, I am NOT looking forward to it at all. After all, who will go to Puddle of Mudd with me????

Looking back, looking forward. Either way, the time goes by. And how it does fly. I can say this for sure, looking back, this past summer has been one of the most fun I've ever had. It sure began with a lot of unsurety. Worried if I could actually do it, but then accomplishing two bike tours, one with my sister, which was awesome. Meeting new friends, biking and golfing.

Looking forward, I'll get a little freedom from Mom's Taxi Service. I'll get my bike back, maybe my handicap will improve, but I won't get those cherished opportunities to talk, sing, listen to music in the car with one of my sons. I know there will be exciting times ahead. I will find me again, but I'll also lose what has defined me all these years...my kids. (sniff!)

Once again, worried what looking forward will bring. I know there will be a lot of exciting new adventures, and as I look backward, that's what all that worrying brought, really great times.

C'est la vie, I guess. Who knows? Look what I did last summer! What will happen next? In that regard, I guess am looking forward to "forward!"